It's Not Your Fault
by Hiyorai
Summary: Naruto has been haunted by nightmares and guilt over a tragedy in his past and even though he tries to remain his bright cheery self, its causing him to push away everyone in his life, especially a certain Uchiha who seems to want nothing else on earth but him. AU (SasuNaruSasu) Yaoi
1. The Usual Pains

**Summary:** Naruto has been haunted by nightmares and guilt over a tragedy in his past and even though he tries to remain his bright cheery self, its causing him to push away everyone in his life, especially a certain Uchiha who seems to want nothing else on earth but him. AU (SasuNaruSasu) Yaoi

**Rated:** M

**Genre:** Romance/Hurt/Comfort

**Warning:** Yaoi, Gay, and Male x Male Situations of Romance/Possibly Descriptive Sex Scenes/Alcoholism/Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts.

**Pairing: **SasuNaruSasu (Naruto x Sasuke)

* * *

><p>Alright, my first time posting something. No idea. Not my first time writing, but this is my first shot at a fanfic of this lovely pair.<p>

Please enjoy! xD

Chapter 1: The Usual Pains

x-X-x

Cold, so very cold and dark. Almost like a blanket of the universe, but with no stars is wrapped around him, suffocating and painful. The now 24 year old Naruto Uzumaki was having the dream again. Like always, it engulfed him, like he had just lost everything. Just emptiness. He was twisting and turning in his bed, gasping for air, sweating and breathing heavily.

No light, no light, no way out. He can't even think of how scared and exhausted he was. All he can focus on is the cold, and dormant panic… and over powering guilt.

Suddenly he was ripped from the darkness.

He awoke instantly. Sitting up gasping for air, the atmosphere of his dark room seemed so thick and claustrophobic. His vision was slightly blurry, but slowly he could make out the sound of his phone vibrating.

Sasuke again...

He checked the time, it was just passed 5am. "_Wow, real early this time." _He ignored the call.

Naruto didn't go back to sleep. Trying to convince himself that this recurring nightmare wasn't effecting him, but it was. He laid there on his bed thinking back to that time the whole night. Like he did every night when the dream finally awoke him. As if guilt was telling him he didn't have the same right as everyone else to sleep.

He just lied awake the rest of the night. As he turned over and over from one side to the next he noticed that the dim light from the sun was beginning to paint the skies in a dark blue glow.

"Finally." He exasperated, getting out of bed to get his bag and head out to his morning classes at the college.

* * *

><p>"Na-ru-to!" A loud voice came from behind him. Naruto turned to see a red haired girl with fogged up glasses come running up to him and smacking him in the back of the head.<p>

"Owe, eh! What the hell was that for, Karin!?"

"To get your attention, dumbass!" she smiled innocently. "Other wise you'll just ignore me, like you're soooo cool." she waved her hands for emphasis.

Naruto shrugged. "Eh, whatever." A slight grin played on his face.

"See like that!" she shouted. "Don't make me kick your ass!"

Karin was Naruto's cousin, known to do what she pleased with whom she pleased, never taking anything from anyone. However at the same time, Karin was a strong headed good person, she had a lot of respect and care for her cousin.

Naruto stopped and closed his eyes, pursuing to start an argument, when he looked up to see Karin running up the road.

"Did you stop to pull your boxers out of your butt? Come on you're gonna be late, man!" she shouted with her bag flailing behind her.

Naruto burst into a sprint.

* * *

><p>After their classes, Karin and Naruto met at a local coffee shop where Naruto works part time, though today he was off.<p>

"So." Faith said, abruptly. "Trouble sleeping again, huh?"

"How'd you know?" Naruto replied, dull.

"Bags, dude, bags." Karin was always very analytical and composed in her own way. Naruto answered her, but didn't want to lean on this subject. Karin continued to prod. "So, you still haven't worked through this, Naruto?" She spoke softly, "It's been two years." Her eyes turned soft, concerned.

"Do we have to talk about it?" Naruto tensed slightly, turning away from her to look out the window of the shop.

"Well, it seems like you still need to talk about it. You could talk to me. Or you could go over there and talk to those girls that have been staring at you all of lunch time." Karin said, pointing with her eyes.

People tend to be easily attracted to Naruto because of the bright energy he carried that made girls and guys interested in him. Even on days like this when he's a little depressed, doesn't mean the girls can easily ignore his good looks. Naruto had bright spiky blond hair, decent muscle tone, and the most strikingly deep blue eyes. Very handsome.

"So...?" Karin reiterated, leaning forward, pushing up her glasses.

Glancing towards the girls in the corner of the shop then looking down to the ground after they giggled he answered her. "You know I can't."

"Naruto, it's okay to move on and want to be happy, ya know." she murmured, leaning back and crossing her arms.

"…"

"Agh, Naruto…" she exasperated, but was cut off.

"Can we just drop it." His blond bangs hid his eyes.

She paused, then took a breath. "Have you talked to Sasuke?"

He cupped his chin in his hand and sighed. "He's called me 3 to 6 times a day for three days."

Her brows creased. "Why are you ignoring him?"

Naruto sighed. "I'm not ignoring him, I'm just having one of my usual episodes and I don't want to worry him."

"That's stupid, he's your best friend. That's when you need your best friend the most. And not taking any of his calls when he's been calling is assure fire way to make him worry, Naruto."

"…Yeah, I know." Naruto knew Sasuke was worried about him, but it was more difficult to talk about this with Sasuke then anyone else in the world and to be honest he was tired of dragging everyone down with his baggage. So he just doesn't talk about it at all anymore. Why should he anyway, its not like they don't know what happened.

* * *

><p>When Naruto finally got home to his apartment in the late afternoon He stopped at the front door. Did he leave the light on?<p>

"What the..." Naruto stumbled inside, calling out.

"Yo!" Kiba called from the kitchen with a mouth full of potato chips.

Naruto grinned. He kind of needed a distraction. "Damn, man. I'm starting to regret givin' you a key."

Kiba walked into the living room as Naruto was putting away his coat and bag. Kiba had been playing video games for some time evidently. "You're right, it would make more sense if I just moved in." Kiba said as he plopped back down on the couch with his (Naruto's) bag of chips.

Naruto joined him and plunged an arm into the bag of chips. "Heh, yeah not gonna happen."

"Hey, get your own!"

"These are mine, dumbass!" Naruto tried to grab the bag and they both almost ripped the bag completely open when a small match of tug-a-war started.

"Err, jerk." Kiba growled. He Paused suddenly. "Hey…" his voice was lowered. "…you sleeping alright?" He asked, staring at Naruto's face.

"Wha… what? Why do you ask?" He stirred.

"Your eyes look tired, man." Kiba drawled, moving his head to look at different angles of Naruto's face.

_Damn_. Was it that obvious? He hadn't looked in a mirror today. Maybe he should invest in some makeup.

"Uh, yeah. I'm ya know, I'm good." He laughed, trying to sound convincing.

"You are the worst liar I've ever known, Naruto." He deadpanned. "What the hell is going on? You're not getting messed up again are you?" He grabbed his arm, getting a better look at Naruto and show that he was not messing around.

"Messed up? No. I'm… just, ya know, up late studying, plus work." He looked at Kiba from the side as if seeing if he was going to get the response he wanted.

Kiba was still. Glaring slightly, wandering if he should accept the lie. "Ya know…" Kiba started quietly, but was interrupted.

"I'm sorry, dude." Naruto scratched the back of his head. "I am tired because of it so I think I'm gonna turn in. You can crash here on the couch if you want though."

"Uh…" Kiba looked at the couch as if it would give him permission. "Nah, I think I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow?" He got up, smirking, putting the bag of chips on the couch.

Naruto grinned. "Sure thing."

After Kiba left, Naruto stripped down to his boxers and plopped onto his bed. He was tired, but his mind was restless. As he tried to not shine his minds light on ugly thoughts, he started to feel a little relaxed, at least a bit. As his mind began to drift into the nothingness of sleep, a deep, low buzz startled him.

He slowly lifted himself up to look over at his phone on his night stand.

_Probably Sasuke again. _

He grabbed his phone and saw the contact name.

"Itachi?"

Naruto looked at the time. 10:15pm. Not too late, I guess. But strange that he's calling at all. He slid the answer icon.

"Hello?" Naruto's voice was hoarse already.

"Hey, moron. You finally figured out how to use your phone I see."

The voice was dripping with false humor. _He's angry, I knew he would be._

"…"_  
><em>

"Hi, Sasuke." Naruto said with a sigh and slight apprehension. His heart was a mile high though, Sasuke was too good of a high for Naruto.

"What the fuck is with ignoring _my_ calls, but then answering after the first 6 rings when it's_ Itachi's_ phone?"

_He counted?_

Naruto heard Itachi in the background. "Did he answer?"

"Yes!" Sasuke shouted and Naruto had to pull the phone away from his ear.

"_Oh, good then he's not mad at **me**."_ He heard Itachi say in the distance.

"Yeah, because _that _matters." Sasuke shouted in response before seemingly to turn his attention back towards the blond on the phone.

"So Sasuke, how's it going on your business trip?" Naruto tried to sound as innocent as possible.

"Shut up." Sasuke responds like lightning when he's pissed. "You don't get to ask questions."

_He's taking away my rights now. _

Sasuke was laying on his hotel bed with nothing on but a white shirt and dark blue boxers. His legs crossed at the ankles and hair still damp from his shower.

"Why the fuck have you been ignoring my calls?" Sasuke demanded.

He heard Naruto sigh before answering, voice low. "Look, Sasuke…"

Sasuke started biting his lip and shaking his foot, eyes staring hard at the wall in front of him. He's been so damn worried.

Naruto spoke low like he's beginning to say a speech he's had to repeat a hundred times. "I'm sorry, Sasuke. I…I'm not trying to ignore you and I'm not mad or anything like that. I've just…" he paused and it made Sasuke hold his breath for a second. "I'm just busy with studies and work is all. Like you, only minus the 'studies' part, heh."

Naruto was trying to be cute and when Sasuke was pissed off it only made him even more pissed off. "What the fuck kind of a sorry excuse is that? You couldn't answer the phone _once_ in three days?"

"I said I'm sorry, Sasuke." Naruto's voice was an irritated whine.

"Sorry isn't going to cut it, moron." Sasuke said, through clenched teeth. "You're _going _to make this up to me."

"What do you _want..._?" Naruto rolled his eyes and smiled. Sasuke can usually forgive him easily.

Sasuke glared off to the side of his room and blushed slightly.

Naruto heard a quick exhale on the other line and then; "Ta… take. Lets go… to dinner… or something."

Naruto made a small sad smile. It always warmed his heart when Sasuke got flustered over him, but he couldn't accept Sasuke's request as Sasuke meant for it to be.

"Sasuke…" Naruto sighed in slight warning.

Sasuke's heart sank. "Not…not like that you idiot!" he rushed. "Just you know hang out since I've been gone and you've been too stupid to work your phone."

The pause on the other line made Sasuke hold his breath.

"Yeah, Sas. Lets hang out as soon as you get back." Naruto said, perhaps a little too friendly.

"Right…" Sasuke murmured.

"Well, its getting late." Naruto grinned at his ceiling.

"Yeah, kind of." Sasuke resisted the urge to argue. "Get some sleep, idiot."

"Yeah, you too."

"Goodnight, moron." He said coldly.

"Night, Sasuke."

The call disconnected. But before Sasuke took the phone away from his ear he whispered; _"I love you." _as he usually did after phone calls with Naruto.

- To be continued…

x-X-x

Short as hell... but I'm just testing waters here.


	2. Little Dark Clouds

Chapter 2: Little Dark Clouds

Sasuke and his brother Itachi were trying to relax in the back seat of the car after being picked up from the airport. Itachi kept glancing at his brother to his right, falsely thinking that his little brother wasn't aware of his eyes.

Sasuke was resting his chin in his hand watching the buildings and shops pass by. His mind drifting in and out of one particular thought. Being exhausted and slightly jet lagged, he almost missed his bother's words.

"Do you want to get dropped off first, Sasuke?"

Sasuke glanced at his brother for a second without turning his head then looked out the window again. He responded, but not at his brother.

"Mr. Michi." Sasuke dulled. "Drop me off at Naruto's." he ordered. Mr. Michi, the driver gave a knowing nod in the rearview mirror.

Itachi chuckled quietly, also enjoying the slight blush on his little brother's cheeks. "Such a love sick lil' thing aren't you?" he teased.

"Shut up." Sasuke hissed. "I'm going to punch him in the face for thinking he can ignore me." Sasuke kept his tone mellow.

"Right." Itachi lulled.

Sasuke tensed only slightly, but then calmed some what. He knew his brother was very much aware of his feelings, but for now it was difficult to talk. He was in fact tired, but mostly because he's been wracked with worry for the last three days, along with everything he had to do while he was away. He couldn't help but wonder…Was Naruto _still _going through that? Or was he mad at him? Sasuke would never admit it, but he _hated _it when Naruto was mad at him. Even when he'd tease Naruto to get a rile out of him and they'd playfully go back and forth. If he had gone to far, (which he sometimes did) and got Naruto actually upset, he'd feel horrible the rest of the day. He just… really wanted to see him right now.

Itachi smirked at the sound of a sigh to his right as he went through his folders. His little bro had been in such a foul mood ever since the first three missed calls of the first day in New York on business. Itachi had to admit that he was slightly worried about Naruto, it wasn't really like him to ignore Sasuke's phone calls, or anything related to the man, really. However he wasn't over thinking it like Sasuke tended to do and _is_ doing now. Itachi's smirk grew.

* * *

><p>It was about seven o'clock when Naruto slowly made it up the steps to his apartment. He had just worked a long shift at the Coffee shop and his legs ached. He was happy for the distraction, however. Besides studying or going to class, interacting with people and forced to be happy definitely helped. He liked his job. He liked the people he worked with and the customers who frequent. There were the occasional shit heads that would give him or his fellow employees a hard time, but that came with the territory and Naruto could always work around the situation. He was a people person. Unlike a certain bastard.<p>

Naruto paused as he turned the key to unlock his apartment. "Sasuke…" he thought out loud. He's suppose to be back today. _I wonder if he'll come over. _Naruto was both happy to be able to see Sasuke, but also a little uncomfortable about the idea. Sasuke could always set his nerves a flame and he didn't want to deal with nerves at this particular time. Not until his dark cloud went away.

He entered his apartment, toed off his shoes, put his keys on the entry table and plopped on his couch, not bothering to turn on his lights. He lay back against the sofa staring at the shadows painted on his ceiling. He closed his eyes and listening to the screaming quiet of his apartment.

Once again the dark thoughts fought their way to the front of his mind, the same old, seemingly ancient images and feelings finding refuge where his natural light and gentle happiness used to live.

Naruto sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, trying to think of something else entirely. Sasuke entered his mind and that helped, but it was in vain. Thinking of Sasuke just made the guilt fester even more. He had no right, none at all. His thoughts changed but the darkness still loomed over his new thoughts.

"Maybe I should just quit school and work full time." he whispered to the dark empty room. He liked his job enough to entertain the idea. Though it felt like giving up on something he started, so maybe it wasn't a good idea.

_I wonder what she would have wanted me to… _his thoughts were cut off by quick knocks on his door, before he heard it open.

"Naruto?" Sasuke spoke softly into the darkness, a hint of concern somewhere in his voice.

Naruto was about to answer him when he heard Sasuke speak again asking if he was home. He must not have noticed his spiky blond hair sticking up from the back of the sofa. Naruto smiled evilly and sunk lower in his seat so Sasuke wouldn't notice him now.

Sasuke entered the apartment, shutting the door and slowly making his way toward the hallway, never turning on any lights. Naruto waited until he could hear Sasuke farther down the hall towards the bedroom. He listened and listened, the apartment was just as quiet as before Sasuke came in. Naruto frowned then slid him self down more until he was on the floor, on his hands and knees, keeping below the couch cushions. Naruto slowly crawled, thinking he was some kind of awesome assassin, or a ninja. He poked his head around the end of the couch to look down the hallway.

Nothing.

"Hmm. Must have gone into the bedroom. Sucker." Naruto snickered as he started to stand up to head down the hall, but then his heart stopped.

"Who's a sucker?" Sasuke asked, clearly amused.

"SON OF A BITCH!" Naruto jumped straight up, seemingly almost hitting the ceiling. Sasuke's smirk grew.

"What were you doing on the floor, idiot?" Sasuke crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side.

"I.. I fell asleep."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Idiot." His smirk disappeared when Naruto turned abruptly and stalked off to the kitchen, turning on the light and going to the fridge.

"What are you doing here anyway, Sas?" Naruto's tone was calm now, playful. "It's getting kind of late."

Naruto went to sit down at the kitchen table, after moving the empty take out boxes and empty ramen cups. Sasuke joined him with his own beer.

"I still haven't yelled at you properly." Sasuke said, eyes closed as if resisting the urge to do it now.

Naruto smirked and Sasuke's breath caught slightly. Naruto didn't notice.

"Barge into my apartment, steal one of my beers and now you're gonna yell at me?" Naruto's tone was teasing.

"Hn." Sasuke closed his eyes and took a drink, when he looked at Naruto again his eyes went wide for a second.

Naruto's eyes had turned down, hooded. He looked so out of it that it disturbed Sasuke. The man looked like he hadn't slept in days. Sasuke fought the urge, with more effort then he would care to admit, to go over and grab Naruto into a hug, just to hold him so he could rest safely.

"I'm going to take a shower, Sas." Sasuke was pushed out of his thoughts.

"Oh, uh. Yeah. I should go too, I guess."

Naruto went to walk out of the kitchen when a hand reached out and grabbed his wrist. As he turned, Sasuke was standing up from his seat taking a step closer to him.

Naruto sighed. "What Sasuke?"

Sasuke's eyes were filled with worry. He spoke softly, still holding Naruto's wrist. "Why do you look like I should take you to the hospital?"

"Come on, Sas. I told you that I've been stressed with work and school the other night on the phone. I just need to take a shower and sleep tonight." Naruto was smiling.

Sasuke wasn't buying it, but he didn't want to risk Naruto getting upset. He had a pretty good _idea_ of what was bothering Naruto, but not exactly. He didn't like it when Naruto would keep shit from him and unfortunately it was nothing new and Sasuke _hated _it. He wanted to know everything Naruto was thinking and everything that was going on with him. The closeness that he craved for the blond was beginning to look out of reach and it didn't do anything for the small amount of hope he had left.

"Why don't you quit your job?" It slipped out of Sasuke's mouth, eyes narrowed. He merely thought the idea for a split second.

"Wha…what? Sasuke…" he paused.

Sasuke released Naruto's wrist and put his hands in his pockets.

"I told you before that I'm willing to pay your rent and schooling." Sasuke stated. Looking directly into Naruto's blue eyes.

Naruto smirked and raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said after the first time I said no that your offer was a one time thing?"

Sasuke did say that before when he asked Naruto months ago if he could pay for the schooling and rent for him, but it was mostly because he was pissed that Naruto wouldn't let Sasuke help him.

"Look, Naruto. Why stress yourself out when you have a friend that is nice enough to…"

"Nice enough? I don't need a hand out, Sasuke. I'll tell you the same thing I said the last time you asked, thanks, but no thanks. I'm doing fine without my 'nice' rich friend taking pity on me." and with that Naruto walked out of the kitchen. Scowling.

_Shit._

It wasn't pity. Sasuke just wanted to take care of the one… he loved…

* * *

><p>Sasuke was back at the office, attempting to over work himself so he's to not think about some things…<p>

He was finishing up an email, when he made a (42nd) glance at a picture of him and Naruto. Naruto was smiling that bright smile of his. It was strange to Sasuke, how a smile that star-like can even exist. He's never admitted it to anyone and he does well to hide it, but _that _smile was Sasuke's favorite thing on earth. It's _that _smile that… saved him. It did and continues to make Sasuke, not give up, but… give in.

There was a knock at the door to his office, pulling him out of his pleasant thoughts.

Sasuke made a grunting noise, signaling to come in. (Uchihas…)

A young assistant pokes her head inside the office.

"Um, Mr. Uchiha, sir?"

"Yes?" his tone curt.

"Your friend, Suigetsu is here to see you." she bowed and existed the doorway, gesturing her hand as Suigetsu walked passed her, winking.

Sasuke sighed, closing his eyes briefly. "What do you want, Suigetsu?"

Suigetsu smirks at him. "Oh, ya know… just wanted to go to lunch with my good pal since he's back."

Sasuke glares when Suigetsu sits on the front of his desk and makes himself at home.

"I was only gone three days." Sasuke stated, leaning on the left armrest of his chair.

"So…"

"So, I hadn't seen or heard from you in weeks, prior." Sasuke informed, coldly.

"Aw, c'mon, Sasuuuu." Suigetsu puckered his lips.

"No, I'm not giving you anymore money and don't call me that." Sasuke pulled a folder that was underneath Suigetsu's ass. "Get the hell off of my desk."

"I don't need much." his voice rolled on the last word.

Sasuke lowered his head into his hand in frustration. "I thought you were going to quit gambling."

"I thought you were going to quit Naruto." Suigetsu grinned evilly.

"Damn it, Suigetsu get the fuck out!" Sasuke exasperated.

"What? We're both into things that aren't good for us… you can hardly judge me." Suigetsu stood up off the desk, putting a hand on his hip, scowling.

Sasuke sighed, putting his fingers in between the bridge of his nose.

There was an awkward silence. Sasuke looked at the time. He was planning on going to visit Naruto at the Mokuzai coffee place Naruto worked at since Sasuke gets off in twenty minutes and Naruto still has two hours left.

For a moment the silence allowed Sasuke to forget Suigetsu was there and he started thinking.

_Why wont Naruto let me help him? Friends help each other right? That's what he did for me… and everyone else. Why's he being stupid about this?_

Interrupted again.

"So how are the two of you, anyway?" Suigetsu asked. Apparently deciding to not obey Sasuke's orders to leave his office.

"Fine. Why are you still here?" Sasuke turned his attention back to his computer.

There was a pause. Sasuke trying to concentrate on the last bit of work he had left. He kept glancing at the corner of the screen, counting the minutes down. He started to get annoyed at Suigetsu for just standing there, he was about to say 'leave' again, but…

"I'm only asking because it _is _close to the anniversary, isn't it?"

Sasuke froze. He had forgotten about that, really he wishes everyone, especially Naruto would forget about that… but it was out of his control. God, he _hated _not being in control.

Suigetsu asked for money again and Sasuke told him to get the fuck out. This time he complied. May have had something to do with Sasuke _almost _stabbing him with a pen.

Sasuke sat at his desk, closing all the windows on his computer. He started thinking and for Sasuke that usually wasn't good, particularly when it came to Naruto. He was smart and resourceful in everything else, but when Naruto flooded his thoughts, he _flooded _his thoughts.

Being reminded of the anniversary made Sasuke feel a little depressed because he knew what this meant, he knew what it stood for. These dark memories of a dark time that was suppose to be the brightest time in his life… and in Naruto's. Sasuke lay his head on his arms on top of his desk, looking at the picture of him and Naruto. Back at that time… before that event that not only ripped Naruto apart, but also ripped Sasuke apart… in more then one way.

Sasuke wanted to disperse his dark cloud the only way he knew how, by dispersing Naruto's dark cloud. Sasuke still had a tiny bit of hope left in his heart that he was going to use. He wants to be the one to make Naruto happy and if he can make Naruto happy then he can get him to forget about the past and move on…

Even though December is the coldest for them.

* * *

><p>Sasuke walked into Mokuzai Coffee, his lungs instantly filled with the scent of coffee and baked goods. The interior was bright with over head lights and comforting colors… it was like a Starbucks, if Sasuke was asked what it was like, he'd say it's like Starbucks. Coffee shops aren't really like snowflakes, if you've seen one you've seen all of them.<p>

His eyes instantly land on the bright mop of blond hair that seemed to glow in the rays of light overhead. Sasuke walks over to the counter right after some woman and leaned over to Naruto, his dark scarf draping over.

"I'll have my usual." Sasuke said with a smirk on his lips. Sasuke felt a little bold, maybe some flirting will be okay. It did help that a faint blush splashed Naruto's cheeks.

"Whatever you say, bastard." He grinned. "I should'a just pre-made the damn drink before you got here."

"But then I would order something different." He walked over to where Naruto was preparing his drink.

"Yeah and that _thought_ was in the back of my head because I was thinking; 'What would a bastard do?'"

Sasuke smirked. "Oh, and I want whip cream."

Naruto paused and looked at Sasuke in utter confusion. "Since when do you want something sweet?"

"Since you're two orders behind." How is his face not cramping from smirking so much?

"Agh, bastard! Just take your freaking drink and quit buggin' me at work." Naruto hissed.

Sasuke took his drink and winked at Naruto. Did Naruto pause?

Sasuke walked over to his usual table in the far left side of the shop and sat in the cushioned black leather chair. Sasuke usually sits here because it's the best spot to watch Naruto without being too obvious.

Naruto begins serving a young woman in the front counter. He smiles politely at her. Sasuke can't hear him very well, but his mouth is forming things like; 'What can I get for ya?' or 'Is that all?' Sasuke smiles gently at the blond before resetting his face to stoic again.

_That idiot is such a people pleaser. _

Sasuke's eyes were glossy and happy in his moment of observing until he realized something and when he did he dropped his head slightly, looking to the floor away from Naruto and then to his coffee cup. Sasuke realized that what he was seeing wasn't actually there. Naruto's smiles are fake. The blond doesn't show his smile during December, hell, its kind of rare the rest of the year since two years ago. No, these are masks. The image of Naruto putting on a show when he's really hurting broke Sasuke somewhere. It's not the same like in the picture on Sasuke's desk.

No. not the same at all.

_I want to make you smile, idiot._

_I want to be with you like that again._

_The way we were suppose to be…_

_before…_

Sasuke raised his head and then an eyebrow at the view he looked up to. Then his face morphed into a glare._ What _the_ fuck? _

The woman Naruto was serving was gone and replaced with a bouncing, smiling, highly attractive brunette. Sasuke's grip on his cup was tightening a little. This girl's hair was tied up in these weird buns. Sasuke instantly hated her. She was flirting with the idiot. Definitely.

_What the fu… Are you kidding me? _The girl slipped Naruto a piece of paper. Sasuke was just about ready to get up and tease Naruto right in front of her. But then, he saw Naruto politely decline the piece of paper. She appeared to have shrugged and took her drink after blowing him a kiss.

_Why am I acting this way? God damn. _There really was no reason to be jealous. Naruto wasn't interested in anyone… and that was part of the problem.

* * *

><p>Forty-five minutes and one other cup of coffee later and Naruto was at Sasuke's table asking if he was ready.<p>

"Ya know, ya didn't have to wait all that time, teme." Naruto said as they were walking to Sasuke's car, the cold going right through them.

Sasuke simply shrugged. "What else am I going to do?"

"I don't know!?" Naruto's tone went higher then normal. "Why don't we work on that bastard attitude of yours?"

They both got into the car, Sasuke turning on the heat so they could warm up a bit.

They were silent for a bit until Sasuke turned to Naruto.

"Hey…" Sasuke's voice was soft and apprehensive.

Naruto turned to him, his face inquisitive. "Yeah, Sasuke?" his voice just above a whisper.

"How about we go out… to eat tonight?"

"Sasuke…"

"Don't sigh at me." Sasuke raised his voice slightly. "What the hell is wrong with saying a simple yes?"

"Don't go jumping down my throat, asshole!" Naruto's voice was much louder now. Shaking. "We've already talked about this?" He turned facing the window.

Sasuke frowned and smirked. "Wow, pretty full of yourself thinking that I meant like a date. There's nothing even remotely romantic in anything I just asked of you, stupid."

That hurt, even though Naruto didn't want it to be in a romantic way in the first place.

Sasuke paused, then frowned in concern. "What is up with you?" His voice gentle. "I tell you I don't have an interest like that and then you look at me that way? We're still best friends, Naruto, that hasn't changed. What? I can't go out with you anywhere as my friend because you can't get over Sa…"

A hand went up for him to stop. "Shut up." Naruto's voice was low and he was full-on glaring at Sasuke, but… were his eyes watery?

Sasuke's lips parted, he felt frustrated and hurt, hurt and frustrated that this was not going the way he really, really wanted it too.

Naruto put his hand down. He felt so conflicted with this. What the fuck?Before he knew it his hand was on the car door and pulling the lever to open. He got out of the car before pausing when he heard Sasuke.

"Naruto?!" Sasuke's voice sounded so hurt and shaky. Naruto winced and then slammed the car door, rattling Sasuke. Sasuke got out of the car immediately. "Naruto?... Naruto?! Where the fuck are you going?" He sounded panicked.

Sasuke grabbed hold of Naruto's hand, stopping him. "I'm going to walk home, Sas." his voice was so quiet and shaky now, like he was holding back tears.

Sasuke didn't even think. He pulled Naruto into a strong hug, holding him tight as if he might float away. Naruto just leaned into him, not saying or doing anything. "I'm sorry…" Sasuke murmured in a rush. "Please don't be more of an idiot then you already are and walk home in the cold." They both shivered as a piercing cold wind shot around them.

"Sasuke…"

"Correction," Sasuke interrupted. "I'm not _allowing_ you to walk out in the cold. Get the fuck back in the car, I'm taking you home." His tone was cutting. He put his hand behind Naruto and walked back to the car, Naruto didn't stop him.

Happy to be back in the warmth of the car Sasuke rubbed his hands together. He turned and looked at Naruto.

"I'm sorry." Naruto whispered. "I'm just… so tired."

Sasuke relaxed a bit, even at the sad look Naruto shot him. "I know." he murmured, putting his gloved hand on Naruto's bare tanned one. "Lets get you home."

And so Sasuke drove Naruto home holding his hand the whole drive, happy that Naruto let him. It reminded him of that time, two years ago before that cold December... When Naruto was his lover…

To be continued…

x-X-x

Okay, so a little longer then the first chapter. I'm really surprised this got viewed AT ALL. Let alone reviews. Thanks. Hopefully this is turning out acceptable. I'm a fic junkie, so I know for a fact that this is not very good compared to most. But this is fun, so all is well.

Also, if you're interested, on my profile there's a link to my tumblr where you can follow me for updates on this fic. Also I reblog a lot of Naruto x Sasuke so if you like that shit cluttering your dash. You are welcome.


	3. Daydreams And Almost Kisses

Not too happy with this. Oh well... Anyway, thank you very much for the reviews, its very motivational. If you're upset that I had not replied to any of them personally, I will when I have more time, I apologize. But again, thank you! xD

Chapter 3: Daydreams And Almost Kisses

x-X-x

Naruto could barely make out what Karin was saying. Something about how a guy she likes openly flirting with another girl. Naruto didn't really pay much attention when she talked about her love life, unless she says the words; 'I told him to stop,' and 'he wouldn't.'

He could barely make anything out in the outside world anyway, with his mind performing a fast pace slide show of him and Sasuke, loud and clear, blurring everything in between.

Naruto was hopeless. In fact those two words seemed to always play in the back of his head like his own personal theme song where ever he went. He knew he shouldn't have let Sasuke comfort him, because he truly believes that he doesn't deserve it. But when Sasuke looked at him the way he did… the way he used to, only for him and how he held Naruto's hand the whole drive… it was like somebody was holding his head under water trying to drown him in his own feelings, it was impossible to ignore.

Which is why when Sasuke's car pulled up to a stop in front of his apartment, he instantly released Sasuke's hand and got out of the car, cutting Sasuke off as he was about to say something. Naruto all but ran up the stairs to his door.

He unlocked it shakily, as if he was being chased by a serial killer. He swung open his door and slammed it hard as he collapsed against it. Finally able to just release everything and break down, for once this year. It was a new record, normally he'd break every other month. He was strong and determined, but the guilt and the feelings that were holding him down wouldn't let him come up for air. That night he lay in bed, unmoving after a good two hours of quiet sobbing.

"…to?" a faint voice sunk in with his reminiscing of last night. "…ruto?… Naruto? Are you even listening?" Karin's voice broke through.

"Ah." He gave a small smile.

"You alright?" Her voice raised at the end.

"Yeah, sorry about that, Karin." He scratched the back of his head. "I've just got a lot on my mind." His eyes looked forward and then back at her. "Now, am I suppose to beat up someone or something?"

Her glasses went crooked. "Why… do I… even talk to you?" She spoke with quiet disbelief as if she was asking herself that question.

Naruto smirked, sexily. "Cuz' it'll make the other girls jealous that you're talking to such a _handsome_ guy all the time."

"Psh, whatever. You're so absolutely full of yourself." She crossed her arms in fake annoyance.

"Not as full as I make some people." He grinned, evilly.

Karin dropped her jaw slowly. "That…" She paused. "Was TERRIBLE!" She smacked the back of his head with her bag.

"Owe, okay, sorry!" He crouched away from her before she could continue her assault.

"I hereby declare your right to make sex jokes, abolished." She growled.

"Awe, but that's part of my charm." He whined.

"Then I'm doing you a favor because you are _not_ going to want to attract the kind of people who will find your sex jokes charming." She said, arms crossed as they finally walked up to the bus stop.

"Hehe" Naruto just rubbed his head.

There was a small period of silence between them while waiting for their bus and then Karin spoke again. "Hey, Naru?" her voice was quiet, almost hesitant.

"Yeah?" Naruto crouched down, bending his knees and resting his arms out on each knee. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering what it was you were thinking about back there?" she looked down turning her head away from him slightly. "I mean, you looked really deep in thought and a little sad." _God, I sound so dumb. He's probably not even gonna' tell me! _

Naruto looked at her, his eye brows raised. "Don't worry about it, Karin. It's just school." He looked down the road. Their bus was taking forever.

_I knew he wouldn't tell me, but wow, what a dumb ass. _"Um…" she began. "We _just_ finished our last final. We have three weeks off now." she spoke matter of fact.

Naruto mentally smacked himself. _Damn it. _He was so used to using that excuse it just slipped out. He turned to look at her and she was looking right at him in the eyes. Although she was at just the right angle, so he couldn't see through the glare of her glasses. _Crap she's looking right at me, um. _"Um." _Stupid…_

"If you don't want to tell me you don't have too. Although…" She paused, kneeling down so she was eye level. "I think I have a pretty good idea of what's bothering you." She raised an eyebrow.

Naruto stiffened. He knows that she knows, but he didn't want to act like he knew what both of them new.

"Maybe we could go visit the cemetery and you can talk… ya know? Your mom goes and talks to your dad."

Naruto's never gone to the graveyard, not even for the funeral. He couldn't take it. He thought this was a terrible idea. He couldn't stop the sad frown that formed on his face.

"Hey…" Karin said, concerned. She put a hand on his shoulder.

Naruto leaned away from her and stood up abruptly. "I think I'm gonna walk home, its not raining. I could use a walk and the bus is taking too long. I'll see ya."

He said all of that in such a rush that it took a second for Karin to process that Naruto was walking down the street away from her. "Naruto…" she said just above a whisper. Their bus arrived as he turned the corner.

* * *

><p>Naruto plopped right onto his bed after a shower, sporting nothing but his favorite pair of orange boxers.<p>

He felt bad, he knew he shouldn't have ditched Karin like that. However, he couldn't help the chill of a panic attack that was starting to sink through him as Karin brought up the hint that she knew what was bothering him. It's no secret, everybody knows what happened.

Even so, it's still too hard to talk about, specially since it was all _his_ fault. Everybody explicitly told and occasionally continue to tell him again and again, almost like brain washing that it was in fact _not_ his fault.

But it was.

They weren't there, they don't know what he saw, what had happened before the car hit…

Naruto started choking and his vision blurred over his sad contemplative eyes. It's still hard to picture, but he knows he deserves to picture it, he deserves to suffer alone in silence.

The reason he doesn't ever want to talk about it is because he doesn't want to share his pain. He wants to keep it burning inside of him, like his own personal hell in the pit of his stomach where his demons can dance and laugh at his aching.

_Sasuke._

He thought about him selfishly during these episodes of intense brooding. Though the guilt threatened to pierce his heart like razors whenever he attempted to cling to thoughts of his beloved raven-haired best friend. Sasuke is the one thing he doesn't deserve most of all and it hurts… so much. He feels guilty for wanting Sasuke. He can never have him again the way he wanted, but he wanted him and felt guilty for wanting to hug him, to hold his hand, to kiss him... to fuck him. So conflicted, frustrated, guilty and scared. This life holds his happiness right in front of his face but he could never take it.

It really did not help that Sasuke was _still_, after all this time, pushing the boundaries that Naruto had set two years ago. Specially this month when its close to the anniversary and his depression and panic attacks reach their apex.

After the accident, he had told Sasuke that he couldn't... No, _didn't_, he used the words 'did not' want to be with Sasuke anymore. Not as friends, not as lovers, not as anything. It broke Naruto even more then anything else that horrible night did. But he just couldn't do it. The guilt just...

Late January, about a month after the accident and his break up with Sasuke. He got a call from Shikamaru saying that Sasuke was in the hospital. Naruto could still remember the fear and panic that immediately replace depression. Shikamaru told him that for the past month Sasuke had been binge drinking and partying with... some not so stable friends, which Sasuke had promised Naruto before that he would not have them in his life anymore. Shikamaru went on to tell him that last night he got a call from one of Sasuke's 'friends,' saying that he had a mental break down at some party and was violently sick as well.

Naruto remembered sitting next to Sasuke in the hospital room the next day, worried and fucking livid with him.

When Sasuke's eyes slowly opened and blinked some, he turned to look at Naruto, saying nothing. Naruto said nothing either, just gazed at him with a mixture of anger and worry. Then Sasuke's eyes just overflowed with silent tears as he stared at him, then sobbing out a "Naru." as the tears overflowed more so.

Naruto swiftly got up from his seat and collapsed onto Sasuke, hugging him close. Sasuke clung so tight as Naruto gently ran his hand over Sasuke's head. Through quiet sobs Sasuke pleaded into Naruto's chest not to leave him again. Naruto promised without hesitation he would never leave him, or push him away ever again.

But he couldn't be _with_ him.

He could not bring himself to touch or kiss Sasuke again.

Naruto sat up, returning from his day dreaming, feeling sick to his stomach.

_Here we go again._

He looked at his hands. They were shaking. His breathing became short and irregular. Naruto couldn't think anymore, his mind started rushing in all different directions. Fear started to seep through his skin as the hair on his body started to tingle as it rose.

Naruto reached for the blankets on his mattress and pulled at them around his body as he slowly and pathetically crawled to the corner of his room, shaking uncontrollably.

Tears…

The tears just streamed.

He stayed wrapped up in his thin blanket. Once the shaking stopped some time in the early morning, he fell asleep in the corner of his room. Alone with the darkness.

* * *

><p>Sasuke was rushing, pretty sure he missed a stop sign. At least the traffic wasn't horrible today.<p>

Sasuke got the call from Ino, one of Naruto's fellow employees at the coffee house, asking where Naruto was because he never came into work. Sasuke told her that he would find him.

After Sasuke called Naruto's cell phone about eighteen times with no answer, he started to panic. He knows Naruto's depressed and Naruto has pulled some crazy shit when he was depressed in the past.

He stopped at a red light as it turned green and continued, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as he clenched his jaw tight. He was pissed, worried and pissed. Fucking _hated_ it when Naruto did this. Why can't he just let him take care of him? Why can't he just move on? Why wont he let anybody be there for him?

_Why… _

_...why won't he let me love him?_

Sasuke pulled up to the complex, quickly getting out of the car, so fast he almost forgot the keys in the ignition. He ran up the steps to the third floor, his heart pounding in his ears.

He harshly remembered the last time he was running to find Naruto… After no answered calls and nobody seeing him. It was two months after the accident, Naruto had been obviously struggling with it even worse so. His depression becoming so severe it _scared_ Sasuke to death.

He had found Naruto and almost had a heart attack to find him sitting on the edge of a local park bridge nonchalantly at around one in the morning.

Sasuke stayed completely still, afraid that if he moved, it would make Naruto slide himself off the edge. He never blinked, his eyes firmly on his Naru. Looking a bit shaken on the outside, but on the inside he was absolutely fucking terrified. Knowing for sure that if Naruto jumped off, Sasuke would fucking jump to his death after him without second thought.

Naruto turned to look at him, almost breaking Sasuke right there with that sad smile. Calmly Naruto told him that he was thinking about it, thinking about letting himself go, after a particularly harsh wave of depression swept him away. But ultimately he decided he couldn't die. That even with all this sadness and guilt he felt, he couldn't stand the idea of breaking a promise to his best friend.

With a sweet smile he got off of the side of the bridge, only to be roughly tackled to the hard wood of the bridge by a bone crushing embrace. The quiet sobs from Sasuke could be heard as he buried his nose in the crook of Naruto's neck. Things like "Fucking idiot," and "Stupid, stupid loser," being muttered.

Sasuke's thoughts brushed away as he focused on the present. He got to Naruto's apartment door, swiftly unlocking it with his own key and entering. The living room was dark, barely lit by the glow of the closed blinds.

Sasuke walked quickly through the place after toeing off his shoes and taking his jacket off. As he passed the bathroom he pulled at his tie to loosen it, coming straight from work.

He opened Naruto's bedroom door and scanned the room. No dobe. Sasuke walked passed the bed and into the connected bathroom. _Where the hell is he? _

Sasuke was too wrapped up with worry at this point that he almost didn't catch the rustle sound that came from behind him back in the bedroom. He slowly turned and walked back to the bed, when he saw blond spikes of hair shyly showing out of the top of what looked like a cocoon in the corner of the room.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. Really?

"Naruto." Sasuke stated flatly.

He looked around the room a little, wondering why the hell he was sleeping in the corner.

There was no response.

"Naruto?" He got down on his knees and pulled the blanket down slightly, revealing a sleeping blond, huddled in the very corner with his knees drawn up.

A small smile appeared on Sasuke's face as he looked at the sleeping blond. He was so cute when he slept. As masculine as Naruto can be, when he was asleep it was so soundly he looked like a tuckered out child. It put this special warmth in Sasuke's heart. Of course he would never admit that.

He lightly touched the side of Naruto's scarred face and pulled away as Naruto winced and began to stir. Blue eyes and an outline of red looked up at Sasuke. He looked like he'd been crying and it disturbed Sasuke.

"Sas?" his voice was hoarse and too quiet.

"Hey, moron. Why didn't you go to work? Ino was worried." Of course he doesn't mention how worried he was. _Ino_ was merely curious.

Blue eyes went wide. "What?! What time is it?!" Naruto jumped and almost knocked Sasuke on his ass.

"Agh, your shift is over _now_, idiot." Sasuke said, getting up from the floor.

"Ah man, really? Fuck!" Naruto whined, putting the palms of his hands on his eyes. "I gotta call em'."

Sasuke watched him, silent. His face was impressively impassive, considering he just realized that Naruto was pretty much naked with nothing but a low riding pair of boxers that showed a little more then should be permitted for Sasuke's heart rate.

Naruto didn't notice how low his boxers were, nor did he notice he was wearing _only_ boxers. "What, what are you doing here anyway, Sas?"

Sasuke swiftly switched his sights to Naruto's face. "I told you already. Ino called me because you didn't come to work." Sasuke was getting pretty good at this whole; 'I'm so not turned on right now' thing.

"So you came over instead of just calling me?" Naruto walked to the bathroom. Sasuke let out a unnoticeable sigh of relief.

"I did call you…" Sasuke paused and remembered how many times he had called him.

Naruto walked out of the bathroom after the sound of a flush and went to grab his phone.

Well, at least his boxers weren't so low.

Sasuke realized he had been standing awkwardly in the same spot the whole time so he left the bedroom, announcing that he was going to help himself to a drink, smirking at the sound of "Bastard." as he walked down the hall.

Naruto walked into the kitchen, holding his phone. This time wearing black jeans, but still no shirt.

"So you called me eighteen times, huh?" Naruto smirked that sexy smirk.

Sasuke couldn't help the light blush that came over his cheeks, not only at the embarrassment of having called Naruto like a desperate ex girlfriend, but also because of that smirk.

"Shut up, idiot." Sasuke scoffed. He turned away from Naruto towards the sink for some reason and took a sip of his beer.

"So how's work?" Naruto asked as he bent down to put on a sock.

"I don't want to talk about work." said Sasuke. He wanted to ask, but for some reason he was afraid too.

...Fuck it.

"I, I want to know why you were crying like a baby." The rustling behind him stopped. He swallowed. _Why is this so hard? _

"What do you mean?" his voice was cheerful. Faker.

"I mean your eyes. You look like you've been crying for a while like a two year old." Sasuke turned and looked at Naruto, whom was looking at something on the floor.

"I was just tired, Sas." his voice was low.

"That's bull. I'm tired of shit, Naruto. I'm tired of this-"

"-Tired of what?" Naruto looked at him, serious.

Sasuke frowned. "I'm tired of this fakeness that you put on for everybody." his voice was calm. He didn't want to piss Naruto off right now. Maybe later.

"So what."

"What?"

"So what if I'm faking it." his voice was rough, irritated.

Sasuke winced, eyes turned concerned.

"So what if I'm suffering, its what I deserve and as long as its not effecting anybody what does it matter?"

"What the hell are you talking about? You're such an idiot. You think it doesn't effect people? I know you're suffering, Naruto. Everybody does, you suck at hiding it and you never could hide shit from me. I thought you were over this?… Two years, Naruto!"

Naruto looked down at that, blond bangs covering his eyes. Sasuke didn't miss a beat, he walked around the counter and put both his hands on the sides of Naruto's face, pulling him up. Naruto resisted a little but Sasuke wasn't having it. He pulled him close to his face until their foreheads touched, eyes hooded.

"Naruto," his voice was soft, "do you know how much _I'm_ hurting? How much I've been hurting because I can't have what I want?" His voice grew low and smoother, as he moved closer to Naruto's lips.

_So close…_

_I'm going to feel you once again._

_God, I love you so much._

Their lips barely brushed when Naruto turned away, choking on a sob.

"Naruto?" Sasuke voice was drenched in concern.

Naruto turned abruptly, "You're an asshole, ya know that!" Naruto shouted, moving away.

"Naru…"

"You can't do that, Sasuke! I told you, you can't do that ever again, not anymore. It hurts too much." He looked away, closing his eyes, fighting tears.

Sasuke just stared, hurt.

Naruto was hurt too. He really wanted to kiss the pain right off of Sasuke's face, but he can't, never again. No matter how much it hurt not being able to kiss the one he loved.

Sasuke took Naruto's last position, head down, bangs covered. Naruto looked at him with tears in his eyes.

It hurt Sasuke just as bad as the first time this happened, only this time he expected it. He was hurt and mad at the same time that the only one keeping them apart was Naruto.

"Why?" Sasuke murmured.

Naruto stiffened, eyes watery and hard.

Slowly, Sasuke lifted his face slightly, glaring through his lashes at Naruto. When he spoke again his voice was poisonous and bitter. "Because you can't get over a dead girlfriend?"

…

To be continued…

x-X-x

Hmm... :3 Not sure how long this is going to be since I can't map out everything in great detail right now. Hmm maybe 700 chapters, 4 to 7 thousand words each. Haha, in an alternate universe maybe! xP

Please review, I'll try to respond. Follow me on tumblr if you wish - Link on my profile.

Next chapter on... Uh, December 22nd... Perhaps sooner. Depends on many things. Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Black and Blue

Wow, I'm such a liar. It's been exactly a month since the date I stated would have an update. I'm sorry! D"x

Anyway, about the story- I see that some of you are confused, which makes me happy because that was my intention. Haha xD. Don't worry, I have most things (I hope) mapped out to a point. So things will slowly be revealed and make sense. It's not really complicated, I'm not that smart. lol.

x-X-x

Chapter 4: Black and Blue

Sasuke took Naruto's last position, head down, bangs covered.

Naruto looked at him with tears in his eyes.

It hurt Sasuke just as bad as the first time this happened, only this time he expected it. He was hurt and mad at the same time that the only one keeping them apart was Naruto.

"Why?" Sasuke murmured.

Naruto stiffened, eyes watery and hard.

Slowly, Sasuke lifted his face slightly, glaring through his lashes at Naruto. When he spoke again his voice was poisonous and bitter. "Because you can't get over a dead girlfriend?"

Naruto's face turned from sorrow to gloom while silent tears trailed down his marked cheeks. "Sasuke…" he whispered, turning his back to him. "You need to leave now." and with that Naruto left down the hall to his bedroom, leaving a distraught Sasuke.

Sasuke clenched his teeth. Hard. He just ruined everything. He fought the immeasurable urge to go after Naruto and kiss him to death, but ultimately forced himself, stiffly towards the front door.

Sasuke sat in his car for what felt like hours, not even remembering that he had left Naruto's place and was in front of his own complex.

He felt a collage of feelings. First off, he was _not_ going to admit that he was scared. It felt like he really pushed Naruto…

_What if I just ruined everything?_

He walked through the lobby of the incredibly wealthy apartment building. As usual he didn't look or speak to anybody, just walked straight to the elevator. He pushed open his door and all but dragged himself, before plopping on his long sectional-couch with a heavy sigh.

"Naruto's an idiot…" he mumbled, dully.

* * *

><p>"Owe, god damn it!" Karin cursed as she held on to the door handle to the Coffee house. "Not another pair." she murmured as she stepped out of the way so the couple leaving the house can get by. She slipped off her now broken heels and walked into the house barefoot.<p>

Naruto immediately noticed Karin walk in holding her shoes and barefoot. He was sitting at Sasuke's favorite table on his lunch break. "Ya know we can't serve ya if you don't have any shoes." he grinned.

"Shut up, I have a pair of converse in my purse." she barked, sitting down at his table and pulling out the extra pair of footwear.

"Why do you insist on changing into high heels after work?" He asked, eyes wide and inquiring, as if it's the most interesting thing of the week.

Karin paused and blushed. "Because…" she slumped, embarrassed.

Naruto raised an eyebrow. "Ahhh!" he chirped. "A guy huh? Do I know em?"

"No!" Karin half shouted, realizing she was in a public setting. "Just… feel like being a girl, ya know."

"No, I don't know." he deadpanned.

"Whatever."

There was a silence between them while Karin put her shoes on and Naruto played on his phone.

"So…" Karin began. "What's going on with you and Sasuke? Did you two have a lovers spat?"

"We're not lovers." Naruto stated, like he was answering a math problem.

"True, but you were." she gave a sly smile.

There was a pause and then something clicked in Naruto's head.

"Wait, how do you know we had… an argument?" he asked, surprised.

Karin pulled out her wallet. "I need coffee, can I ask you for that, or no since you're on break?"

"Karin."

"What? I mean you're right here." she said turning to look toward the counter.

"NO! Karin, how do you know about me and Sasuke?"

"He called me." she spoke calmly, straightening her glasses.

Naruto's eyes went wide. Sasuke called Karin to talk about him? That's weird. Sasuke only had his cousin and his friend's phone numbers so he had contacts to find Naruto.

"So, what did he say?" Naruto sounded hesitant.

"Well, he wasn't asking me out, if that's what you're worried about." she joked.

"Hardly."

"I take offense."

They stared at each other rather comically until finally, Karin says; "He sounded groggy on the phone and kind of out of it, like he was sick. Basically he called and made it out that he was wondering how I was, but then poorly slid you into the conversation. Seriously, what's up with that? Sasuke's usually a lot smoother then that, not to mention direct. I mean, why call me and not you? You must of really hurt his feelings.

Naruto frowned. "Did he tell you to say that? Or are you just trying to make me feel bad."

"Yeah, no. He's upset for sure, Naru." she looked toward the counter again and then back at him. "Now, you let that sink in since it took _me_ a little bit to get over and then go and give your man a big kiss and say I'm sorry!" she ginned evilly as she made her way over to order herself a drink.

"Karin!" Naruto yelled. He was ignored.

_Hmm, Sasuke's upset and apparently enough to not call me and ask how I'm doing? "_Sasuke's a big baby and a jerk." Naruto murmured to himself just above a whisper. "He's the one who said things he shouldn't have.

After shaking Sasuke out of his thoughts. Easy and weird conversation between Naruto and Karin went on during his last shift, even though he told her to leave several times.

Around six thirty, Naruto shoves his apron in his bag and starts to leave, stopping mid step when he notices Karin isn't following him.

"Aren't you coming, Karin?" he asked. She was putting her phone away as she turned around to face him.

"Nah, I'm meeting a friend at that pizza place up the road."

Naruto smirked. "Oooh, a date huh?"

She blushed. "Shut. Up. God, its like you're twelve or something!"

Naruto snickered. He gave her a wave after they both existed the shop and went their separate directions.

Naruto wasn't gonna lie, he couldn't help but think about Sasuke even more then he was today after what Karin told him. Even though he tried not too, Naruto felt bad about Sasuke being upset, but at the same time pissed off about it. Shouldn't Sasuke apologize to _him_? Instead of making it out like Naruto kicked _him_ like a dog.

_Ah, he always gets like this. That asshole isn't as cold as he likes to think he is. _

Just as Naruto turned the corner, just a few feet from his bus stop, his phone vibrates.

* * *

><p>Sasuke didn't know why he kept it, he promised he never would do it again. But last night had been kind of a low point. Everything he hated came at him like a whirlwind of drama. When did he become so dramatic?<p>

… Oh yeah, when he fell in love.

Sasuke hated it when Naruto was upset, specially upset with him. He hated it when Naruto would keep things from him. He hated it when Naruto pushed him away… like _he_ used to do.

_Selfish._

Yup, that's what Sasuke is, selfish. He wants Naruto all to himself, not even wanting to leave any left of Naruto for Naruto.

He fucked up. He shouldn't have tried to kiss him, but he can't help it anymore. It's becoming impossible to hold back now. He'd been doing it for so long, trying to stay in the 'friend zone' that Naruto forced him into, simply because that's what Naruto desperately wanted. But what about what Sasuke wanted? He realizes that Naruto not wanting him anymore is for a stupid pointless reason.

A dead girl. Sasuke always become agitated and frustrated whenever something got in the way of what he wanted and the thing that's getting in his way is a dead girlfriend.

It's getting to the point where he started to hate Naruto for making Sasuke love him so much. If that makes any sense.

And so... that's why Sasuke is currently drinking the last bits of a bottle of vodka he kept hidden in his closet for god knows what reason. He promised him… he promised Naruto that he would never drink again. Not after the craziness that went down with Sasuke trying to hide his darkness and bury his pain. Such a cliché-by the book tactic. When did Sasuke become a cliché? Oh yeah, when he fell in love.

Stumbling clumsily down his hallway to try and find more booze, because one bottle of cheap vodka wasn't enough to make him sick. And that's what Sasuke did whenever his heart was crushing him, its what he always did. Drink until he was sick and then drink some more. Until he ends up in the hospital with a disappointed and worried Naruto by his side

His Naru…

Tears welled up in his eyes as that ever so old fear crept into his mind again, that Naruto will truly never love him again, or never did. That he will never be able to hold him or kiss him. The one that saved his life and was always there for him, will never be his.

Sasuke made it to the kitchen and was desperately opening cupboards and throwing things out of drawers trying to find another bottle of something alcoholic that his past self may or may not have hid somewhere. That bottle in his room was the only one he can distinctly remember hiding. Talk about a relapse.

He had been sober for over a year. And now after fumbling around and trashing his kitchen for imaginary liquor, he was wondering if he had anything in the bathroom.

_God, what is wrong with me?_

He downed the vodka so fast in his bedroom he almost threw up right then, but forced it down to get his much desired haze of oblivion, that was now starting to really get him drunk as it peaked in his system.

The room was spinning and thoughts turned into shadows and shadows turned blue.

Blue eyes…

Sasuke's head rolled from one shoulder to the other and he loosely eyed his cell phone on the kitchen counter a few feet from where he was sitting on the floor with his back to the cabinets. This doesn't feel good at all. This nothingness of the mind that Sasuke used to cling too, no longer tempted his addiction. He was sad, depressed even and the only thing that can make him feel good is his best friend.

Sasuke crawled over on the floor, he felt sick and dizzy and barely knew what he was doing. He reached up and grabbed the phone, he clicked the button, the bright light of his background picture made his eyes feel like they were on fire. The picture was of Naruto and him two years ago. They had their arms around each others shoulders. Sasuke was smirking at the camera and Naruto had his big stupid grin plastered on his face.

Sasuke held back a broken breath as a dry sob escaped from him. He slid the phone and texted Naruto's number.

* * *

><p>Naruto dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone. A text from Sasuke.<p>

"Hm. _Now_ he's not shy to talk to me." Naruto murmured to himself.

Naruto slid the phone to unlock it and read the whole text.

"_Naru ii justr wan to com oveer." _

What?

Naruto read the text three more times and checked the contact name five times. Is this really Sasuke, or did somebody steal his phone? He brushed over the contact icon and hit call.

Naruto leaned against the brick wall of a shop next to the bus stop while he waited for Sasuke to pick up.

_Ring, ring, ring, ring…_

"Come on, Sas. You _just_ texted me!" He hissed.

Naruto removed the phone from his ear to end the failed attempt at a call, when he heard a groan come through the tiny speaker.

"Sasuke?"

"Hmm, hey." He sounded hoarse and slurred.

"You… you okay?"

"Igg… I don' fell gud." Naruto was starting to get this twist in the pit of his stomach.

_Oh, no._

The twist in Naruto's stomach began to twist so tightly it ripped apart. With his heart racing and trying to not go off on Sasuke, feeling more concerned then anything else he spoke as clear and slow as possible.

"Sasuke?… ha, have. You. Been. Drinking?" he kept his voice calm and steady.

There was a long pause which made him grab his shirt as if to try to keep his heart from beating out of his chest.

"…I'm sorry." He heard Sasuke say in a drunken slurred sob.

Immediately Naruto hung up the phone put it in his bag and took off running, away from his stop at a desperate speed. Sasuke's apartment complex was a few blocks away from where he was now, near the nicer part of downtown. He ran as fast as he could.

* * *

><p>When Naruto finally got to Sasuke's front door breathing heavy. He wasn't surprised the door was unlocked. He ran straight a head into the living room, frantically looking around until his eyes landed on the trashed kitchen through the archway.<p>

When he walked in, Naruto noticed two things, aside from the obvious mess of a kitchen. He saw the empty bottle of vodka next to the sink and Sasuke laying in a drunken stupor.

...Fuck.

Naruto went over to Sasuke and slowly helped him up so he can sit up against the counter.

"Sasuke, what the fuck?" Naruto's voice was shaky.

Sasuke reached for his face but clumsily missed as he seemingly lost function of his arm. Naruto went to put his arms under Sasuke's armpits to help lift him up, when he noticed the tear stains on his face.

"Lets get you into bed." Naruto grunted as he helped Sasuke slowly walk out of the kitchen. Sasuke was of no help. "I would take you to the hospital to make sure you didn't fuck up your kidneys again, but I'm too pissed at you."

"I love you…" Sasuke slurred.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

"You gonna make love to me?"

"No, Sasuke." He dulled. "I'm takin' you to bed so you can sleep this off. I can't yell at ya when you wouldn't be able to understand."

"I think we should." Sasuke slurred.

"That's nice, Sas." He patronized.

"…I love you." Sasuke sobbed.

Naruto winced at the pain eminent on his face. "Yeah… you said that." he replied, looking down dejectedly as he entered the bedroom.

Naruto pretty much tossed Sasuke onto the bed, whom let out a groan in response. Naruto began untying his boots. When he pulled them off with the socks, he went for Sasuke's pants.

"Hehehe." Sasuke giggled. "You're gonna take advantage of me, huh?" He seemed giddy at the idea.

"No. Just shut up already." Naruto snapped. Sasuke's face turned into a pout, like a kicked puppy and Naruto felt a _little_ bad.

After Naruto got Sasuke down to nothing but boxers, he pulled the blankets over him and settled him for sleep. After fighting Sasuke's insistence on slipping the boxers off as well.

Naruto went to turn the lamp off, but Sasuke grabbed his wrist and held it tightly. "Sleep with me." he slurred, his eyes barely open.

He knew that wasn't a good idea, but he was absolutely _not _leaving Sasuke alone now. Nope.

After a pause he crawled over Sasuke's legs and snuggled into the pillows next to Sasuke. He was pretty sure Sasuke fell asleep shortly after, so he turned his face away from him and let the tears he'd been holding back stream down onto the pillow.

* * *

><p>When Sasuke awoke around nine thirty in the morning, it was too a murderous headache. The light from his window made his eyes feel like they were shrinking down in size and about to fall out of his head.<p>

Yup, hung over.

He sat up slowly, holding his face in his hand. It had been a long time since Sasuke felt the ever shameful sting of a hangover, not to mention the sting of a vague memory of calling Naruto in a drunken mess and then being hung up on. He couldn't decide which one hurt worse at the moment.

Just as Sasuke's head cleared a little and his eyes adjusted he realized he was… in his boxers? That's odd, he doesn't even remember going to bed. One thing he was absolutely for sure of is Naruto can never find out about his drinking last night.

"Hm."

Sasuke froze. Oh, no…, no, no, no. Fuck! NO.

"Mornin', Sas."

Sasuke slowly turned to look at the most beautiful creature in Sasuke's world laying casually to the left of him. Bathed in the morning light, his blue eyes, bright and sleepy in that adorable way and his blond spiky hair was almost blinding.

_Oh, yeah…_

_That's why I can't have you…_

_Because you're perfect. _

"H-hi." was all Sasuke could say. He was so fucking scared now. This shouldn't even be happening, _couldn't_ be happening. Fuck. Naruto hung up on him, he didn't _come over_?! God, his brain was still a mess. He was still a mess.

Naruto lifted himself and rested his head on his hand, looking right into Sasuke's eyes. Sasuke looked away, he knows he's in trouble and he can't chance those beautiful blue eyes filling up with hate towards him. But, wait they… weren't?

"Three times now."

Sasuke turned his head toward him again and lifted a brow in confusion. "Huh?"

"That's the third time you scared me with your alcoholism." Naruto's tone was low.

"I'm not an alcoholic."

"Coulda' fooled me."

"Naru-"

"How long has this been happening behind my back, Sas?" Naruto's face turned concerned.

"I… No. Last night was the only night, Naruto. I promise."

"Heard that before." Naruto looked to the side.

Sasuke was about to open his mouth to argue, but then he saw Naruto's pained expression.

Naruto closed his eyes for a few seconds and then opened them again. "You… promised me that this was done. Forever. As in, never again, Sas. So what the hell?"

"Look, I just," Sasuke turned more towards Naruto. "I really… I was hurt, okay? And I did something stupid-"

"Wow, Sasuke Uchiha admits he did something stupid?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Stop being an idiot and let me explain-"

"I'm being the idiot?!" Naruto snapped. Sasuke winced, getting frustrated now.

Naruto began to hurry off the bed and rush towards the bedroom door.

"Naru." Sasuke crawled to the end of the bed, ignoring the pain in his head and gut, trying to grab for Naruto, but missing. "Please, don't go. I-"

Before he could finish what he was saying, Naruto ran back into the room with the empty bottle of vodka in hand.

Sasuke's lips parted, his eyes horrified as if he was drowning.

So fucking ashamed.

Naruto held the evidence of last night to further confirm that Naruto had indeed come over and seen what he's been reduced too. _Again_.

"THIS, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, holding the bottle outward, tears in his eyes. "You doing this again is to punish me for not letting you kiss me or fuck me whenever you want, isn't it?"

"No!" Sasuke gasped, a dry sob inching its way in his throat.

"You think that scaring the FUCK out of me, is gonna make it any easier. You fucking PROMISED me that you wouldn't drink again, asshole!" On the last word, Naruto threw the empty bottle, it exploded against the wall.

Sasuke winced.

"You almost _died,_ Sasuke. Twice. Is that… is that so easily forgotten?" Tears were streaming down now, his voice shaking with emotion. As if he couldn't face Sasuke anymore, he turned his back to him, running his hands through his hair roughly with frustration and anger.

Sasuke couldn't take it anymore. He got up off of the bed and wrapped his arms firmly around Naruto, burring his face in his neck. He felt Naruto stiffen instantly.

"I was stupid." Sasuke spoke low and despairing. "There's no excuse for it and nobody's fault, but my own. But, you make me so weak, Naruto. So weak that I had a moment of absolute desperation to escape my feelings for you. Like that night in late January."

He felt Naruto sigh. "Let me go, Sasuke." Naruto's voice was just above a whisper.

"No. You're going to shut up now and just let me hold you. You've had your rant."

Naruto turned around in his hold and looked at him, eyes hooded and red from the tears. Sasuke saw it, he saw what he needed to hear in those eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Naruto." he said, firmly. "I was depressed, Naruto. Okay? I was upset because you can't talk to me about _you_ anymore. Maybe if you talked about-"

Just like that Sasuke was pushed back onto the bed. Sasuke bounced back off to respond, but Naruto was walking out of the bedroom.

"Naruto?" Sasuke walked after him down the hall. "Naruto. No, please. Naruto!" He shouted. Sasuke grabbed for his hand. Naruto stopped and ripped his arm away.

"I can't talk anymore. Maybe take a trip to the liquor store and get your fix, Sas." Naruto's tone was so dead and emotionless, like he just shut down.

Sasuke began to panic. Is this it? Is he ending his promise? Is he ending their friendship?

Naruto was just a few inches from the front door when Sasuke grabbed him by the arms and pulled him away from the door.

"Please, Naruto don't leave, please." The panic in Sasuke's voice would have made a less desperate Sasuke cringe. He could not allow Naruto to leave, not when he's this upset. Not like yesterday.

"Sasuke, let me go." Still lifeless.

Sasuke dropped to his bare knees, still sporting nothing but dark blue briefs.

Please, Naruto, don't fucking leave… Please Naru!" his voice was beginning to increase in volume as Naruto began to fight his hold.

"Sas…"

"Naruto, I'M SORRY!" He put his face against Naruto's stomach and embraced him tightly. "I'm so sorry, you know it wont happen again. I _need_ you here with me, please!"

Sasuke was about to say more, when warm shaky hands gently touched the sides of his head.

Naruto dropped down to his knees like Sasuke and pulled him into a desperate embrace. "I'm not goin' anywhere, Sasuke."

Sasuke felt his soul warm up with sweet relief that almost made him pass out. He wrapped his arms around Naruto more firmly, afraid that he would disappear like vapor at any second. Sasuke couldn't help but feel frightened of the unknown. He hates feeling insecure, but with Naruto it's a pretty common thing to feel.

"Do... do you hate me?" Sasuke mumbled in a calmer tone into Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto lightly pushed Sasuke off him, but kept his hands on his arms. "What?! No! Why would you think that, Sasuke? I can't hate you," That made something in Sasuke's chest spark. "You just scare me."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "I scare you?"

"Er, yeah."

"Hn. How funny." he smirked.

"What?! How?!"

"Stop shouting," He winced. "You've screamed enough this morning. I'm still hung over, moron."

Naruto looked off to the side. "Serves you right." he mumbled.

Sasuke got up off of his knees onto bare feet, holding Naruto's hand. Naruto turned his head slightly and briefly glanced at Sasuke's boxers before looking up at Sasuke. Suddenly, Naruto was pulled up and led to the couch. He didn't fight it when Sasuke lay down and pulled Naruto down next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Sasuke sighed. "I know… I deserve it." he murmured into Naruto's neck.

Naruto turned over so he was facing Sasuke. He played with Sasuke's fingers. "Are you gonna get dressed?" Naruto asked, voice low.

"No."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better now." Sasuke closed his eyes, just letting himself feel Naruto next to him, so close. He opened his eyes to look at Naruto when he cupped Sasuke's cheek.

"I'm still mad at you. You really freaked me out, Sas. You can't do-"

"Never again."

Naruto frowned, still concerned.

Sasuke looked directly into his eyes. "As long as you stay with me, Naruto. I'll continue to care what happens to me and I wont drink or take place in any other such activities."

Naruto didn't say anything, but he felt relief nonetheless.

"I… think this little scare made me realize some things."

"Like what?"

Sasuke put Naruto's fingers to his lips… and Naruto let him. As he watched Sasuke kiss his fingers slowly, he was, once again surrounded with this soft, warm and immensely powerful feeling of love that made him think that there wasn't another living soul beyond this person laying here with him. Like if Sasuke was to disappear, he'd slowly fall apart into nothingness. Only this man gave him this feeling. No. the only _person_ that ever made him feel this way. Not even Sakura made him feel like this…

_Sakura…_

Just like that, he was reminded of the decision he made before the accident. The decision that changed his life forever.

"You okay?" asked Sasuke. He was holding Naruto's hand now.

Naruto shook his thoughts away. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Sasuke frowned. "Lying."

Naruto shrugged.

"That's one of the things, I've realized." he stated.

Naruto raised a brow.

"I've realized that I can't hold back anymore and I can't wait anymore."

Naruto turned his head to look at something in the corner of the room. "Sas, I-"

Sasuke lightly pinched his chin and moved his head to look at him. "I love you, Naruto. You know that and I know you love me, right?"

Naruto knew he couldn't lie to him, even though he lied to him before and told him he didn't _want _to be with him, when in fact that's all he fucking wants.

_Selfish…_

Naruto paused after a breath, but nodded slowly.

"Eventually you will say those words to me again. This time I will help you get over this tragedy that wont let you go, Naruto." He rested his forehead to Naruto's. His voice low and husky "I promise. I'm not going to let you push me away and hide in the dark anymore. It's over. You Don't deserve it, you did _nothing_ wrong."

Naruto took a breath to protest when a finger to his lips silenced him.

"Enough." Sasuke said. "No more talking for now. Just lay here and continue forgiving me." His lips turned up to a smirk.

Naruto frowned in mock irritation. "Jerk."

And for the next few hours they lay together. Cuddled in the warmth that was a passed love that Sasuke silently hoped would soon be a renewed love. Forgetting their pains and their darkness, just being with each other for the moment in albeit a temporary happiness. However, it was a happiness that Sasuke could only ever find in Naruto. And he selfishly hoped to all the powers of the universe that Naruto will feel the same way too.

**_To be continued..._**

x-X-x

I'm really happy that people are liking this fic… I still think this isn't very good compared to others. So I'm _still_ shocked that this got viewed _at all. _

But… you please me. Update sooner or later! xD

Please review, it keeps the motivation levels high!


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